النبي محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم اوصى رفقا في القوارير بالانجليزي

"... and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives". [At-Tirmidhi]. #HalfOurDeen pic.twitter.com/XelndSikF1

— Dr. Bilal Philips (@DrBilalPhilips) December 23, 2015

We find Muhammad [PPBUH] asking all men to be gentle to women Be gentle to Womenfolk

Be gentle to Womenfolk

The companions and people of Hadith [AAT] brought us the life of Muhammad [PPBUH]  as an open book. It is easy now for Muslims to abide by and adhere to Islamic teachings regarding their marital lives. If we explored the great teachings of Islam related to women, we would discover what would be of great benefit to us. For Islam recommends the honoring, good treatment, and respect for women like no other religion did.

We find Muhammad [PPBUH] asking all men to be gentle to women, as he says: (be kind to womenfolk, as they are created from a rib, of which the most twisted part is the upper one. So, if you attempted to straighten it out, you shall break it. If you left it as is, it shall still be twisted. Thus, be kind to womenfolk); Agreed upon. Also in another narration of Muslim’s: (women are created from a rib, and shall never be straight. So, try to enjoy them as twisted as they are. Nevertheless, if you try to straighten them out, they shall be broken, and in divorce lies their breakage).

Such ideal prophetic representation of women is deemed to be a wonderful manifestoof their true nature and mood. They are somewhat moody and can not stay all the time on the same track as men want them. They are of different nature, qualities and temperaments. When the prophetic commandments are engraved in the heart of a true believer, he shall exert the proper effort to get along with his wife and be lenient with her. The same goes for wives, who should know that not everything they ask their husbands to do should be innate in them, for they are not likely-minded. Thus, they should try to reach a compromise.

Notice as well, that the most severe way to straighten out a woman is to divorce her. This is referred to in the Qura’n as [retaining with goodness or releasing withkindness] (al-Baqara 2:229). So, there is not any violence allowed. In the speech given by the prophet in the farewell hajj, he did not forget to talk about women. He said:(treat womenfolk with kindness. For, you are in charge of them but you do not own them or have any right to do them any harm, unless they committed something really bad. In that case, you may desert them in beds and beat them in a non-harmful manner. If they obeyed you, you do not have anything else on them. Both of you have rights towards each other. They have to not allow any one detested by you to your bed orinvite them to your home. Nevertheless, you have to be kind to them in clothing and feeding).

So, what is meant by non-harmful beating? Muhammad [PPBUH] has beaten his wiveswith Miswak (a stick, made from a very small branch of an Arak tree, for tooth cleansing). A matter known to scholars as dalliance or reminding beating, through which a husband may remind his wife of her obligations towards him or may try to reconciliate her. The method followed by the Prophet in this regard is the explanation ofthe holy Qura’n word that recites: [beat them] (al-Nisaa’ 4:34). For Sunna is an interpretation of the Qura’n. As Allah Almighty ordered us, through the Qura’n, to perform our prayers (and perform as-Salat). Yet, we were shown the etiquette and technique of praying by the Prophet [PPBUH]. Hence, it was through Sunna that we came to learn the know-how of praying -kneeling and prostration- how many times we should kneel in each obligatory prayer…etc. So, [beat] in the Qura’n was interpreted by Muhammad [PPBUH] who prohibited men from practicing any sort of violence against women according to Shari'a (Islamic law), as a dalliance beating. The only way prescribed by the Prophet was such lenient non-harmful one. If a wife does not respond to her husband, he has to refer to someone to judge between them both as mentioned in the Qura’n. He may not, by any means, resort to violence, because this may humiliate her,which is absolutely unacceptable by Allah and His messenger. Muhammad [PPBUH] said about women: (only generous men may be kind to them, and only mean men may humiliate them). Moreover, such dalliance beating may only be applied in case they talked or acted really bad.

So, what about good company? Once, there was a righteous woman that was asked about the prophetic hadith that says: (If I were to command any one to prostrate for any other entity other than Allah, I would have commanded wives to prostrate before their husbands). She replied: ‘but Prophet Muhammad [PPBUH] had not commanded any one to do such a thing. Both woman and men had been equally treated by the prophet and was commanded not to prostrate before any other entity, but Allah. They are as well treated equally in regard to rights and duties. Such hadith meant to demonstrate how great are the rights of men over their wives. Therefore, it also means to show how great are the rights of women over their husbands, for it is mentioned in the Qur’an:[And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in kindness] (al-Baqara 2:228). Hence, Allah has treated both genders equally. Nevertheless, Almighty has even prioritized women’s rights over those of men’s. Note that the verse begins with :[and they (women) have...]. However, we should not be asking about the reason behind such special care about women by Allah and His Messenger in Islam, because itis a grant given by Allah to whom he wishes.

The prophetic commandments related to such issue do go further than that. As he said that a kind man to his wife is deemed to be among the finest of the nation. He says(perfect believers are those who are best mannered, and the best of you are the oneswho are best to their wives). Narrated by Al-Tirmidhi.

Bahz on the authority of his father and grandfather quoted: “I said, O, messenger of Allah, how should we take pleasure in our wives?" Muhammad [PPBUH] said: (In whatever way you like, but do not frown at or beat them. When you eat, feed them alike and when you buy clothes, bring them alike. Nevertheless, desert them only in their houses.  how could you do otherwise when you have gone in unto each other).

Moreover, Muhammad [PPBUH] showed us that a man shall be rewarded for amusing and entertaining his wife. It is not even considered to be a mere pastime. Ataa’ Ibn Abi Rabah quoted that the Messenger of Allah said: (any thing but, praising and recitingAllah (Dhikr), is deemed to be nonsense and pastime, except for four practices. these practices are: walking between two objectives, taming one’s horse, entertaining one’s family and teaching swimming).

Islam commands husbands to be gentle to their wives, even if they disliked them. In this regard, Allah says:[consort with them in kindness, for if ye hate them it may be that ye hate a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.] (al-Nisaa’ 4:19). In addition, Muhammad [PPBUH] said: (a believer should not dislike a female believer. If he hated any quality of hers, he will findanother likeable one) narrated byMuslim.

Umar ibn Al-Khatab told a man that wanted to divorce his wife, because he disliked her: ‘Woe to you! Is it only love, that constitutes and maintains families? What about care, magnanimity, and protection'.

Furthermore, A Muslim should be cheerful on coming to his wife and children. He should also be the first to salute them with the Islamic greeting ordained by Allah almighty. Allah almighty says [if ye enter houses, salute each other, a greeting of blessing and purity as from Allah]. (Annour :61). 

The Prophet [PPBUH] once told Anas [AAT]: (O, my son, when you enter home,salute your family. Hence, the blessings of Allah may prevail in thy home).

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi.

Despite the burdens Muhammad was shouldered with, he had never been taken away from being an ideal husband. He was tolerant, cheerful, kind and amiable. In this context, Aisha [AAT] said: "once, I brought the prophet some food, I told Sawda[AAT] to eat from it. He was sitting between us both. She refused to eat. Then I told her, if you insist on not eating, I would stain your face with it.  But she also refused. I took some of the food and stained her face with it. The Prophet laughed at us when I did that. Then he scooped up some and told her: (stain her face as well). In another narration, He [PPBUH] lowered his legs for Sawda, as to be able to do to me what I did to her. So, she took some and stained my face with it, and the Messenger of Allah [PPBUH] kept laughing at us". Muhammad was so keen to please his wives. Aisha[AAT] said that "once, the prophet was sitting, and he heard some noise. It was an Ethiopian, dancing and people gathered around her. Then, he called me and said (come and watch that). I came, put my cheek on his shoulders and watched what was going on. After a while, he kept saying: (have not you had enough? have not you had enough?), and I replied: No. I did that so as to know how much he cared for me. I evensaw him switching his legs" (due to being tired of standing that long).

To be continued,,,

Written by Samia Sa'id

Translated by Noha   

 http://almagalla.info/2010e/jun2.htm

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Be gentle to Womenfolk (cont')

To resume what was previously mentioned: 

Prophet Muhammad [PPBUH] was known for never complaining about food. If he likes it, he eats it. If he detests it, he leaves it. Once, He [PPBUH] wanted to eat bread and dipping, but vinegar was the only possible dipping available. When they brought him vinegar and bread to eat, he said, (vinegar is the best dipping, vinegar is the best dipping).

See you dear husbands, who bristle with anger whenever their wives fail to serve them food on time or if they cook for them -unintentionally-something which they do not like. Women may have been obliged to do so for some reason. Unfortunately, husbands get irritated before knowing such reasons. Are not they the protectors and maintainers of women? Sometimes wives rage at their husbands, and they may turn away from them. Yet, husbands are to put up with their wives’ mood and take into their accounts their wives' nature. Prophet Muhammad’s wives sometimes raged at and deserted Him for a whole day period [from day to dawn]. Yet, he used to be tolerant with them.

Sayeduna Umar [AAH] said: “men of Quraysh used to master their wives, but when we came to Medina we found the opposite. Moreover, our wives began to learn from the women of Medina”. Then he said : “I used to live in Bani Umaya ibn Zaid, in Al-'Awali. Oneday, I had a fight with my wife, and she was arguing with me. However, I refused such thing. She said ‘so, you refuse to be argued about anything! I swear toAllah that the Prophet’s wives do argue with him, and they may also turn away from him for a whole day!’ Then he said: ‘I, at once, went to Hafsa [his daughter, and a wife of the Prophet -PPBUH] and said: ‘do you argue with Muhammad [PPBUH]? She said: ‘yes’. I said: ‘and do you and his other wives turn away from him for a whole day long?’ She said : ‘yes’. I said : ‘Fails she who may do that! How can you rest assured, while Allah may be angry with you for upsetting Muhammad [PPBUH]? Do not argue with the Prophet any more! You may come to me and ask me anything’. Later, Umar went to the Prophet [PPBUH] to tell him what happened. The messenger’s reaction to that was a smile.

In another incident, Muhammad [PPBUH] was trying to pacify one of his wives, who was at rage. One day, he went to Safeya bint Hay [AAH] (his wife), and he found her crying. He asked her (what makes you cry?) She said: ‘Hafsa says that I am a Jew’s daughter. He said: (tell her that Muhammad is my husband, Aaron is my father and Moses is my uncle). See, how a dispute may be resolved with simple words and good manner.

There is also an awesome ideal prophetic attitude towards Aisha [AAH]. Aisha [AAH] was jealous for the Prophet [PPBUH]. How could she be not, and he is her husband, messenger of Allah and the best of all Adam’s sons!

Anas [AAH] said that: Um Salamah sent Muhammad [PPBUH]  a bowl of gruel at his wives’. Aisha [AAH] hit the hands of the servant,so the bowl was broken. Muhammad [PPBUH] then said, while putting the scattered gruel back into the broken bowl: (eat, for thy mother is jealous). The Prophet did not dismiss the servant until he brought a bowl from Aisha and sent it to Um Salamah. Meanwhile, he gave the broken bowl of Um Salamah to Aisha.Narrated by the two Sheikhs, al-Tirmidhi, and al-Nesa’i.

What a great wisdom! and what a beautiful patience! the patience of Mohammad [PPBUH] to the jealousy of Aisha [AAH]. There was no insult or abuse. Instead He [PPBUH] considered His wife's psychological state. He knew that jealousy is one of the natures of women in this worldly life, as she is controlled by sentiment more than the mind, so sometimes she does some unreasonable actions coming out of her highly sensitive feeling and her strong love for her husband ...

The Beloved [PPBUH] took into consideration that jealousy and it was not a reason for separation from His wife, the mother of believers, Aisha [AAH]. Instead He was patient, then afterwards, he was just and asked for a replacement for the broken bowl. So how tolerant You were O, Messenger of Allah! ... This is what all husbands need to emulate.

Let us consider another Hadith:

Aisha [AAH] said: It was my night and the Prophet was at my place. He thought that I was asleep and He went out, so I went out after Him - she thought that He went out to one of His other wives - I followed Him until He came to al-Baqi'a - the cemetery of the first Muslims - then He went away, so I went away. He hurried, so I hurried. He trotted, so I trotted. So I beat Him home. When He entered He saw me and said: (Why do I see you cannot catch you breath?) So I told Him what happened. He said: (Did you think that Allah and His messenger will oppress you?) ... the Hadith by Muslim.

So how great were your manners, O, Messenger of Allah [PPBUH]! And how just you are! And how can you not be while Allah s the One Who taught you and made your manners great!

Then when the Messenger of Allah asked Aisha: (Where you jealous?) She said: Why can I be jealous for someone like you? narrated by Ahmed.

What a beautiful Love Allah made between husbands and wives! listen brothers and sisters at the beautiful dialogue between the Prophet [PPBUH] and His loving wife who was jealous for him even after he died. So if husbands realize and understand this feminine feeling, there will not be any fights between them and there will not be separations and harm to the children.

Praise Allah!

From these Hadith you can see how much was our beloved Messenger of Allah [PPBUH] patient, tolerant, and wise in dealing with the jealousy of his wife Aisha [AAH] with His great manners that Allah said about it: [O, And verily, you are on an exalted standard of character] Al-Qalam 68:4.

The Prophet [PPBUH] emphasized the prevention of being injustice to them. He said: (O, Allah, I emphasize the inviolability of the rights of the two weak subjects: the orphans and the women).

the Prophet [PPBUH] forbade the use of violence even when Allah permitted their punishment when they become recalcitrant: [refuse to share their beds, and beat them]al-Nesa' 4:34. The Prophet [PPBUH] said: (No one can beat his wife the way he beats the slave. The best of you is the best to his wife). He also said: (The best of you is the best to his folks and I am the best to my folks. Only an honorable man would honor his wife and only a mean one would humiliate her).

Aisha [AAH] said: We were on a travel with the Prophet [PPBUH]. Abdullah ibn Rawaha was a good at urging the camels forward by singing, and he was with the men and Angasha was with the women. The Prophet [PPBUH] said to ibn Rawaha: (Move the people). So he started singing, Angasha followed him and the camels went wild. The Prophet [PPBUH] said to Angasha: (Easy, be gentle to the vials). He meant the womenfolk. He called them vials because they could easily broke and hard to fix. What this means is that when the camels go fast they will exhaust their riders, so the Prophet prevented Angasha from singing because women could not tolerate that. Some scholars said that the vials are as white as silver and as clear as water. When you look at the vials you can see yourself on them ,,,

Moreover, and what shows the pity of the Prophet [PPBUH] over women, is that when He was dyeing, He ensured their rights. A man dying was supposed to be concerned with himself, but the Prophet showed His respect, defense, and mercy for women at this critical moment. So He advised men to be good to women. He also urged them to advise each other that. He said (Advise each other to be good to womenfolk).

Hadith cannot be finished about how was the Prophet [PPBUH] good to his women and to all women.

So husbands should be patient and consider the Messenger of Allah as their role model, to understand the nature of their wives and how Allah made them and appreciate that.

With Cooperation from both sides, understanding, and consideration to each other's psychology, the boat of marriage will go smoothly through the waves of life.

We ask Allah to refine our manners, ease our jealousy over our husbands, protect them from all harm, and protect all Muslim homes.

Written by Samia Sa'id

Translated by Noha    

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"... and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives". [At-Tirmidhi]. #HalfOurDeen